“As I Lay Holding You,” or “Vlog #7”

As I Lay Holding You

 

“Turn down the lights.

Turn down the bed.

Turn down these voices

inside my head.

 

“Lay down with me.

Tell me no lies.

Just hold me close.

Don’t patronize me.”

            – “I Can’t Make You Love Me,” Bon Iver’s piano cover

 

“And if I’m not the one for you,
you’ve gotta stop holding me the way you do.”
 

            – “Water Under the Bridge,” Adele

 

As I lay holding you,

 

memorizing the back of your neck

that my fingers knew better than my eyes,

 

running my fingers through your hair,

as it fought against the grain,

 

considering how the crook of your elbow would hold

our daughter, whom we had named though she did not exist,

 

holding the arms that made me feel safer

than I have ever felt in my life,

 

tracing the question mark of your ear,

and reciprocating those chills,

 

imprinting the memory of your soft hand as it

tightened around the warm flesh of my belly,

 

did you know this was the end?

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About Andrea Nicole

NZ enthusiast in the PNW. Internationally published writer, educator, grammar nerd, genealogist, and all-around storyteller. Recovering homebody. @Whitworth and @WGU alumna. #edchat
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